On Christmas Eve I was feeding Emberly before church and fiddling on my phone. I occasionally (and by occasionally I really mean at least 3 times a week) check the West Fargo Public Schools webpage to see if there are any job postings that sound interesting. Why do I do this? Oh... probably just to torment myself. Well this particular time there was a job posting for a half-time first grade teacher position in Harwood. Um... interesting! I stewed over it the rest of the day and all day on Christmas day too. It sounded absolutely perfect. But that's all I knew about it... half-day, first grade teacher. So I emailed the principal and found out that the class was too big and was being split just in the mornings for math and reading. So... the person hired would be teaching my two very favorite subjects to about 14 kids in the mornings only (which is usually the time Jordan does not work so we wouldn't need daycare). UGH.
I went into hyper panic excitement mode and started emailing for references and filling out the application and digging out my teaching license...
But you see, Jordan and I are reading this book called "Living with Less so your Family has More" (it's by Jill and Mark Savage). The little tagline on the bottom of the book is redefining your priorities to put your family first. And this little voice kept creeping in, asking me what I would gain by taking this job, and what I would lose. You see, I LOVE Emberly more than I could ever explain to someone. I LOVE Jordan more than that. I love being able to be a mommy and a wife and not feeling like I'm always cutting someone or something short.
This book makes us think about what "less" really means, defining it as... less money, less insurance, less to invest for the future, fewer promotions, fewer opportunities and activities (which are definitely things to consider)... but on the flipside defines more in terms of intangibles that we often forget about because we're thinking of the dollars. More availability, more peace, more patience, more kindness, more joy, better health, more organization, more energy and intentionality for parenting and in our marriage, more attentiveness, more time, more margin...
Even when it was just Jordan and I, we were eating out a lot, we were living in the same house and working opposite hours, we were frustrated with each other more, and we were not able to keep up on laundry and cleaning and house projects. Adding Emberly to the mix with both of us working would only make it more that way.
You see... we may live in our modest home for a very long time. And we may need to do without cable TV for...ever. And we may have to live with our measly amount of "fun money" we allow ourselves each month for a very long time. And we may not get to go on huge vacations. And we may not be able to buy brand new cars. But we are not hurting - in fact, we are splendidly happy. Dare I say even more satisfied than we were when we were both working full time jobs and hardly seeing each other?
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Did I want that job? Absolutely. I love teaching. I really really love teaching. But there will be a time in my life where that will happen again. And if it doesn't - I'm ok with that. I really am. (And I'm documenting this because I am absolutely 100% sure that I will forget some days and need a reminder.) I can't wait to teach Miss Emberly about life. About Jesus. About sharing. How to read. How to bake. About kindness. About giving. About truth.
One of my former coworkers told me when I was making my decision about staying home this year, "Molly, you'll have plenty of time to raise other people's children later (in reference to teaching). Go ahead and raise your own children right now." :) I didn't realize I needed permission... but I think I did. Staying home is so counter cultural right now, which is really a sad thing. I know it's not the perfect solution or the answer to everyone's situation... but I believe it is in our situation. So here's the end of my winey piney road of missing teaching. I get to be a MOM - full time. Best benefit package around.
Plus... who'd stuff the fluffy cloth diapers?? I am not sharing that job with Mr. Spouse!
Yours Truly,
Molly
PS - I do get to go help with AIMSweb testing in the schools part of next week and the full following week! I am anxious, excited, nervous, and thrilled to get to do it. My former principal contacted me to see if I'd like to help and I jumped on the short-term committment. Why am I so anxious? Well... I have never left Emberly for that long and she still won't take a bottle. Hmmm... we'll see how this goes!
