Far from home...

It's a chilly Friday.  Of a week filled with sickness, hellos and goodbyes of visiting family, a zoo visit, home school preschool, and the 10th day in our new temporary house in Texas.

My brain feels frazzled.  Like it is going in a million directions.  And I don't know how to "zone in" on anything.

We leave Texas in TWO weeks. 

And to be honest, the adrenaline of living away from home has officially worn off.  (Actually, it did awhile ago... but I've been pretending it was there as long as I could...) 

So 10 days ago we packed up all of our stuff and decided that we just could not handle one more day in a one bedroom hotel room.  We lasted a little over 4 months.  So we moved to a 3 bedroom town home just on the other side of base.  And it was entirely worth it.  The girls aren't constantly fighting.  We are all sleeping.  We don't have to cringe every time someone wiggles at night.  Jordan and I aren't sleeping on a pull-out couch in the kitchen.  We actually have a dining room table. 

The one problem is that they don't have any availability for us on the 6th and 7th of February, so we will need to pack up all of our stuff again, move back into a one bedroom, and then move into the three bedroom again.  We are just praying and praying that something will become available and we don't have to move.  When we made this decision, we decided that even if nothing changes, it would still be worth it.  But I'm starting to question.  Let's just say it is improving my prayer life.

So anyway, we have 2 weeks left in Texas.  And I'm starting to get this whole Air Force wife thing.  It is so conflicting.  I feel like I love it here in lots of ways.  We have made this our home.  We have made friends.  We have a church family.  We've developed a schedule.  But I'm yearning for "home."  Our real home.  The place where we have a kitchen mixer, and a bed that only we sleep in, and a stool for the bathroom, and towels that don't get bleached every day, and a 9x13 pan that doesn't flake off on the bottom...

It seems only natural that I'm thinking about home more because everything is coming to a close here.  Except we aren't going home.  We are starting over again.  Where we will need to find a new grocery store and library and church and park and friends...

And we will.  Because we have this great God who never changes even when everything around us does.  And goes with us every step of the way.  And tells us our identity is not in our stuff.  Or location.  And provides help and support and everything we need and more even when family isn't nearby.  And blesses us in the process with growth and communication in our little family of four.  And reminds us that we are all ultimately searching for home. 

It's a good reminder really, that this earth is not our home.  Our citizenship is in heaven.  With Jesus.  (Philippians 3).  And until we are with Him, we will always feel like we are searching.  Looking for something that isn't there.  One more thing we need to make our lives easier or make us feel happier.  When you recognize it for what it is, it really makes what we are going through no different than what you are going through.

And that's what I'm thinking about this gloomy Friday (while my kids are watching Daniel Tiger... one of them I just realized doesn't have any clothes on... and the other has been hiccup-ing for the entire episode).

Time to make supper.  If you made it this far in my ramblings, you must be a true friend.  That's all.

4 months in Texas

I'm sitting on the couch with Emberly sitting half on top of me telling me that she "just can't" (sleep, be quiet, have quiet time, rest, read, play quietly) during what used to be nap time in this house.  She alternates between the "just can't" and some rendition of "I'm hungry" or "I just need to do a project."  And this weary mama is about to lose it. 

I keep dreaming about moving into the 2-bedroom apartment in New Mexico where I can at least send her to her room for quiet time and close the door.  Except there is literally not a spot in our whole hotel room that I can send her (minus the bathroom... and trust me, it's tempting).  Sigh.

So I guess I just need to get over it. 

ONE more month left in Texas.  One.  We've lived here just about 4 months already.  Can you believe that?

And even more unbelievably, we've actually had a lot of fun.  We've made this our home, called it "our library" and "our zoo," etc.  We go to story time on Tuesdays and BSF on Thursdays.  We have pizza night and play at our park.  And oddly enough, it will be hard to leave the people and friendships and routine behind to start fresh all over again. 

Do you know that the first maybe 5 or 6 times I went grocery shopping I cried every time I got home?  It was overwhelming and what took me 30 minutes to do at home took me an hour and a half to find everything I needed.  And the driving.  Seriously.  I could not wait for the day that I did not need to use my GPS to find the grocery store.  And I'm fairly convinced that the interstate system took years off my life.  But now?  It's normal.  I have my grocery spot.  I don't need my GPS to find the grocery store or the library or the Children's Museum.  I kind of even like all of the options.  And in 4 short months, lots has changed.

Jordan went back to work today after having just about 3 weeks off for Christmas.  Before you start thinking the military life is all cush, just go ahead and remind yourself that we are living in a hotel room and sleeping on the floor for 4 months with a family of four.  But the three weeks was seriously wonderful and I was almost doubting my ability to be a solo-stay-at-home mama again.  But the Lord is gracious and we are surviving the day. 

And that's my Texas update.