Refinement

I wrote this blog post when Grayson was about three weeks old. I found it yesterday and am uncertain why I never hit the publish button. Maybe I wondered if I made sense. Or if other people could relate.  Either way, here it is. 

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It's 9am on Friday morning and I am sitting down to dump a few thoughts out of my brain as I eat a very soggy bowl of cheerios that I poured over 30 minutes ago while I keep replacing the pacifier in Grayson's mouth as he attempts to sleep in the swing next to me and the girls are doing who knows what downstairs... Let's be honest.  Life is a little different with the addition of a third.  

It's funny really, because people keep asking me this "How ARE you doing REALLY?" question as if I'm lying when I give them the "we are doing well!" answer.  We really ARE doing well.  I think.  It's hard to sum up the addition of a new needy little person and the subtraction of all kinds of sleep and sanity and showers and stuff.  Because it just isn't a fair math problem.  Grayson will always be better than those other things.

But that doesn't mean that I sometimes catch myself saying or doing things that I never thought I would be saying or doing...

Like potty training Piper just a few days after we brought Grayson home from the hospital because Jordan is on paternity leave so #heywhynot.

And consequently cleaning up more poop than I ever knew was possible.

Or changing my clothes approximately 473 times a day thanks to the abundance of spit up one tiny little human can produce.

Or reading a book to one kid while nursing the babe and "overhearing" silence from the middle kid and therefore needing to dash to the bathroom (babe still attached) to find said potty training child dumping their own potty from the potty chair into the toilet...

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So back to that question about how we're doing.  

I think my token answer has been that the transition from one to two was a lot more difficult than two to three.  And I know you probably think I'm crazy.  Or lying.  Or maybe both.  

But here's the difference.

When you have one child, you're a little bit of a mess as a parent because you're learning everything for the first time.  And then you slowly but surely start to figure things out and develop opinions on how parenting should work and how children should behave based on the fact that it is currently working for you and that one child.  

And then whether you'd admit it or not, you kinda think it will work exactly the same way for the second child.  Except this time you have fewer hands and far less time and far less sleep and far less patience.  So before when you could politely ask your child to get their shoes on at the door and wait until they were "ready to make the right choice" and blah blah blah... you suddenly now have a screaming new baby in a carseat and you've already told your child 7 times to get their shoes on, and instead of making a calm and rational choice, you do that thing you've seen other parents do that you would NEVER do and you maybe raise your voice. Or give a spanking. Or fill in the blank. The control you once thought you had and the predictability that you were so sure of is suddenly gone. And you mourn that loss for a long time after the birth of number two, all while feeling guilty that you decided to raise another human.

But gradually over time you realize that baby number two is a great gift to both your refinement and the refinement of your first. The Lord is using them to teach you about your sin, your idols, your comforts, your heart... and the list goes on.

As you learn about your lack of control, you start to relax a little. Your love is no less strong, your standards are no less high, you just start to realize that your child will in fact be ok (maybe even better) if you start to let them make a few mistakes. Or make a mess. Or skip a nap. (Not to mention that you've just plain run out of hands and capacity to do for subsequent children what you've done for the first.)

And then you get to child number three and you already realize you have no control. You already realize that they will not always obey, or listen, or use manners. You already realize that they too are little sinners just like you are. You already realize that your kids are going to be unattended at some moments. You already realize that you cannot be their sole source of entertainment.  You already realize that you're going to need to ask people for help sometimes. You don't have time to think about how little sleep you're getting. You don't have time to question if you're doing the best or most perfect thing. You do realize that you are probably not doing the best or most perfect thing, and by God's grace alone it is going to be ok.

And that is why we are doing well after the addition of this sweet babe. Because if there was any illusion before that we had this all figured out, it is clear now that we don't. We've embraced it. We've repented of it. We will continue to repent of it. And day by day we will get to live this messy life together as completely sinful, but fully accepted sons and daughters of the most high King because of what Christ has done for us.