Sleep

Dear Life,

Just in case you wondered, people do need sleep to survive. I believe with all my heart that sleep is a gift, and a wonderful gift at that, and one I have learned in the last 8 months to not take for granted. Seriously.

I'm not complaining, I promise. I know there are about a million other mamas who get far less sleep than I do. And I am grateful for the opportunity to get to sleep until Emberly wakes up in the morning, whether it be 6:30, 7:30, or 8:30. I am mindful of the fact that when I was teaching, I was up by 6:00 every day, and I could be doing that with a bambino as well. So please hear me when I say I am not complaining. I promise.

But there are days when I wake up in the morning and wonder if I will ever get to sleep through the night again. Sweet Emberly is now 8+ months old, and she most certainly does not need to eat in the middle of the night, even though she thinks she does. She also does not need to cuddle, or be rocked, or put in the swing, or bounced... nope. She could sleep through the night. I'm certain of it.

But she isn't sleeping through the night. And she thinks she needs milk.

So this week I hit a breaking point and decided that I am night weaning her. No matter what it takes. And my gracious, amazing husband sent me to bed in the basement and toughed out the night with Emberly. And let me tell you, it was a long night. But they did it. And the next night was a little better. (And that basement bedroom was about a million kinds of amazing... let me tell you!)

And since things were a little better the second night, I had high hopes for night three, so I ventured back to the upstairs bedroom. And Emberly only woke up twice. The first time Jordan snuck in there and lulled her back to sleep without picking her up. The second time, I snuck in there. But she saw me. And it was Battle Royale. She wanted milk and made sure I knew it. Even if I got her back to sleep in my arms, when I put her down the world ended. After about 45 minutes, Jordan came in and took her from me, rocked her for less than a minute, layed her down, and she fell asleep. Jordan 1. Molly 0.

But that's beside the point. The point is that we've made it 3 nights without milk! And she isn't wasting away or anything. Trust me. And I am hoping that it just gets better from here on out.

Now here's my further dilemma. Are we just prolonging the agony by going in there and soothing her at all? Do I just need to let her cry it out and figure out how to soothe herself a little better? Tie my legs to the bed so I can't go "rescue" her in the middle of the night? It just seems so... awful.

I know there are a million different methods. And quite honestly, if you aren't a parent, I don't want to know what you think. No offense. :) It's just so different when it's your little one screaming a terrible horrible scream in the room next door. Every maternal bone in your body is screaming that your baby needs.you. But maybe instead of suggesting what I should do, you could just tell me what you did? And if it worked or not? And if you survived or not? And if it was worth it or not? I am feeling a little bit like I'm at a dead end. That's all.

We made it through the nap time "scream-it-out" sessions and at least she is kinda sorta taking naps now. So I know that it's possible. I am just a little afraid she'd scream for 2 hours in the middle of the night. And I'm not sure I could handle that. I.am.scared.

Ok, that's my story. If you have stories for me, even if just to make me feel better, please shoot them my way. And I will love you forever for your honesty. Promise.

Sincerely Yours,
Molly