August 23

Dear Life,

You know how the realization of the inevitability of something closing in suddenly seems terrifying? For instance, I remember anxiously awaiting the first day of school all summer long every year from Kindergarten through college, and then the night before I’d barely sleep because I was just too excited/scared for the change and newness. I remember counting down the 8ish months from the day Jordan proposed to our wedding day, and then realizing the night before that I was really getting married and my life would never be the same! I remember waiting and waiting all through college for the day I’d get to teach my own group of students, and then graduating and applying for jobs, only to realize that it was a HUGE undertaking, and maybe I didn’t realize what to expect after all.

Do you know what I mean life, when I say that it’s just a little scary when you realize that there is inevitable change/newness, even when you’ve been anticipating it and know it will be good?
It’s a really good thing I can look back and see that in expectation of change and newness, there is almost always a little bit of discomfort and “pain,” but the newness and change brings such great reward. It’s a good thing because it hit me tonight that I am in that “night before” stage. (Don’t worry, I’m not contracting… I don’t think I’m in labor… my water hasn’t broken…) I just mean that for 9 months I have been waiting and waiting for this baby to come, and here we are in the final countdown, and now I’m not so sure I’m ready! Suddenly, it seems a little bit terrifying to think that I’ll have to share my sleep, my husband, my house, and my life with this little bambino. I believe it is exactly what the Lord has planned and intended, just like going to first grade, getting married, and starting my teaching career were, and so I can tell the fear that it won’t get to stick around too long. But until I hold this little baby in my arms, I just can’t quite imagine what it will be like.

People try to prepare you for a big change in your life, but quite honestly, it’s not really fair. It will be different in every circumstance, and I think that is especially true for having children. Granted, I haven’t had any children yet to know firsthand, but I haven’t heard one single story that is exactly the same when it comes to labor and delivery, raising children, discipline, or life in general. SO… I guess I’ll just have to wait and see what the Lord has in store! The good news is that I know that He is good, He is all powerful, and that He does not make mistakes. That is something that I will (try) to rest in. (Hey, I never said it would be easy.)

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am SO ready to be done being pregnant. I believe this is God’s way of preparing me for labor and delivery, because otherwise, I might try to keep this baby in my belly forever! (Too late to back out now!) But… I’d be faking it if I said I wasn’t nervous even a teeny tiny bit. Good thing I can see God’s pattern in the other bits of change in my life. All glory to Him that each bit of change, though some pieces more painful than others, bring new life and new joys. I just KNOW that this will be exactly that way too.

Yours Truly,
Molly

P.S. In case you were curious, I did in fact clean every square inch of our house last night. They talk about a “nesting” craze that happens right before you go into labor… well… when that actually happens, I will have nothing left to clean. I vacuumed every area of floor that was not covered by furniture, I mopped on my hands and knees, I washed, dried, folded, and put away every piece of laundry, I washed sinks, bathtubs, and mirrors, I cleaned toilets and soft scrubbed the kitchen, I took out every piece of trash in our house, and I even organized my closet and the coats and things by our front door. Baby… seriously… save me from myself!!!